Two Eyeball Stories relayed to David Sedaris and relayed to you by me.

A friend of mine has a pug who had an operation on one of his eyes. He had to wear a cone around his neck, which he did not like one bit. All he did was whine and try to wrench it off, which was super irritating, so my friend removed it just for some peace and quiet and the pug scratched at his bandage with his back leg so hard that his eyeball literally popped out of his head and he ate it.

I met a woman who was a psychiatrist assigned to the county jail where a prisoner who was addicted to meth but had been clean for a month due to his incarceration dug both his eyes out with a teaspoon. He ate one but not the other possibly because he could not find it.